The other day, I was home with my sweet love when my sister called. She was in a bad mood because she was babysitting my cat (I was out of town) and my cat had made a mess in her sofa. I was sorry that happened. I went in the bedroom to think it over in silence.
After a while, my sweet love joined me and the first thing he said was:
“I can see this situation seems to bother you, isn’t it?”
In that moment, I thought he was the greatest boyfriend ever. I felt understood and comforted. I was in a better disposition to be the best partner that I could be for him. Then I realized that he was talking the same language of love as mine. I am a Visual and I understand better when we communicate with me in visual ways. He used the words “see” and “seems”. I am certain that the Auditory and Feeling people out there don’t really get it but, Visuals out there might better understand how I must have felt.
Having the same communication style or using the communication style that your partner is using greatly avoids missed connections, unnecessary challenges and increase intimacy by reducing the events of resentment. Passion starts to fade away when there is build up resentments. Communicating the right way is one of the tools to keep lasting romance.
There are 3 types of Love Language; according to the author, Tracy Cabot (How to make a man fall in love with you), you have the Visual, the Auditory and the Feeling style. We use all of those 3 ways to communication but one is predominant.
How can we identify the styles?
Visual expresses enthusiasm or stress similar to those comments: “Don’t you SEE how this is amazing?!” or “You’ll SEE. You’ll love it” or “You don’t LOOK in a great shape today”. An Auditory will say “This SOUNDS good” when a Feeling will say “This FEELS good. I have the IMPRESSION that will work” or “I know how you FEEL” or “I understand…”
With Visual, it’s the look that counts. They usually are well dressed. They take care of their appearance. They relax in a beautiful, well harmonized environment. Things have to be in order around them. They look for partners who take care of their looks too. When visual think, their eyes look up in the air because they are “visualizing” what they will say or the situation in their mind. They will tell you “how things looked”. They don’t talk about their feelings early in the relationship because they need to “see” where the relationship is leading first. They like to watch television, read, arts, landscaping, etc… anything that stimulates their eyes.
An Auditory are very sensitive the sounds around them. They always have music at home or in their car. They talk a lot because they like to”‘hear” themselves talk. They are easily distracted by noise. They adore being talked softly in the ear. The quality of the voice of their partner can be a true turn on or a definitive turn off. An Auditory will look on the side when they think because they have to hear the voice in their head. Auditory will tell you “how things sounds”. Auditory will have the latest stereo system in town, they prefer going to concerts, they like to talk on the phone and they have a special talent for music.
A Feeling person reacts on intuitions and their guts. They are willing to sacrifice elegance for comfort (no high heels for women and tight collar shirt for men). They want to feel great at all times and in every situation. They look for partners who are great at sharing feelings. They are perceived as people with a great heart. Women are easily seduced by Feeling Men because they have the ability to express their sensitive side and are great listeners, so common to women’s needs.
Feeling people like to touch, to kiss and they greatly need a constant physical expression from their partner. Feeling people look down when they think because they need to get the “impression”. Feeling people will tell you “how things felt”. They like to relax lye in the sun, work out, massage, drink, and dance, and eat great foods. They will most likely do risky activities because of the rush of extreme sensations. They are looking for trills.
If you are with a partner that has the same communication style as yours, enjoy yourselves. If you have two different communication styles, don’t conclude that you are not made for one another and it’s maybe time to see a counselor (a therapist or… a lawyer!). This article will give you more tools to help communication at the maximum and get a deeper connection with your mate or future mate.
How can we capture the heart of a Visual, an Auditory or a Feeling person?
With Visuals, you need to use visual terms; from my “perspective”, I can “see” what you mean, the more I “look” into this, the more it “seems” nice, I “observed” how wonderful you are with kids, etc…
Visual need to be stimulated with what they see; always have a neat house, with harmonized colors, be dressed elegantly in every situation (wearing jeans can be elegant with a nice matching color and style top). Be sexy. For lovemaking, always have a little light, or candle, because it turns them on to see their partner enjoying sex. Look in the eyes show them that you care for them and you are attentive. Visuals like to make scenarios.
They usually don’t rush in the lovemaking because they need to admire first. They need to “see” it. Also, they don’t communicate in words their feelings. They show them instead. Be sensitive to their generosity. Don’t share your feelings too early in the relationship. Show them instead how you feel and how you are. They’ll get the picture.
Auditory will be worried about the noise in the house. Quietness and great music atmosphere sure gets them to come around often. Use a soft voice when speaking to them even when you are fighting. You will need to speak in sound language; your voice “turns” me on, that has a negative “ring”, “tell me, what do you think? I’m “listening”, this sounds “wonderful”, the “rhythm” is perfect, etc.. Think verbal reassurance. Looking in the eye won’t have the same effect. Auditory often ask if you love them. For lovemaking, use a sensual sweet “radio voice” in their ear.
Describe how you feel during the heat of the passion. Sounds of lovemaking will have a powerful effect on them. They usually don’t notice the new dress or new haircut that you just had, but they will gladly listen on how you got that new dress or new haircut, as long as they are in an environment that allows listening. They are really interested in who you are. Not on how you look. They are the best listeners.
With a Feeling person, use feelings word; that “feels” good, I’d hate to “disappoint you”, I don’t really “connect” with that person, I can’t wait to “touch” you, I “feel” that we are going somewhere, let me give you a “massage”, etc…They can be perceived a passionate people because they express their feelings so much. They need to know how you feel, very early in the relationship. They expect to be touched by their partner a lot and they do the same.
They often complain about insensitivity of their partners. Play with their hair while you talk to them, in the car, while you are driving, keep one hand on the leg, take walks and hold hands, wear satin underwear, make hot bath, etc… Feeling people can make lovemaking in any situation because they need the touch only. They are not necessarily the neat one or the most elegant either, but they will truly appreciate the complete you.
Pay attention of the dominant type of you and your partner’s. Practice the appropriate communication style until it becomes natural. Reducing challenges in a relationship increases the chances of lasting romance. Now, you have a way to capture the heart of anyone that you want, if you are single, and you can re-ignite the fire if you are in an unsatisfying relationship and get what you and your partner wants, because the connection will be deeper. I am a strong believer of ”say anything that you want” to your partner. But, there are ways of saying things. You just learned on how to make yourself heard and understood properly and receive your partner’s needs and caring expressions right. Believe me. You’ll see the difference.