General questions about Sex

How do you have sex?

How to have sex is actually quite simple. When a man’s penis becomes hard, he places it inside a woman’s vagina, and moves it in and out. This creates friction which is pleasurable for both the man and the woman. After a while, this friction will usually cause the man to have an orgasm and ejaculate. It may also cause the woman to have an orgasm, although it can take a bit of experimentation and practice to get it right!

You can have sex in lots of different positions, but one of the most common and intimate ways is for the man to lie on top of the woman, so that they can kiss and cuddle while having sex.

What is safer sex?

Safer sex is protecting yourself and your partner from any sexually transmitted diseases including HIV. It is wrong to assume this only applies to young people as STDs and HIV can affect anyone at any age. Having sex safely isn’t just about stopping the conception of a child and safer sex doesn’t even have to be sexual intercourse.

To have safer sex it is important to either use a condom or to make sure neither you nor your partner are infected with HIV or any STD. It is also essential to make sure you are not at risk of infection by any other means such as health care work or injecting drug use.

Alternatively, as STDs and HIV can be transmitted through sexual fluids and blood, there is the option to do sexual acts that do not involve any contact with these.

Therefore safer sex can be non-penetrative sex and just foreplay acts, or to a greater extent safer sex can be abstinence.

Where is the G-spot and what is it?

The G-spot is a controversial term as some sex researchers dispute its existence. However most believe it is an area located behind the front wall of the vagina, between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix. When stimulated, it can produce intensely pleasurable feelings for the woman, and may cause her to have an orgasm.

Where is the clitoris and what is it?

The clitoris is a small pea-sized lump towards the top of the vaginal area above the urethra (urine hole) and the entrance to the vagina. It is very sensitive and when stimulated can lead to orgasm.

Is there any way of finding out whether a girl is a virgin or not without going to a doctor?

The only true way of knowing if a girl is a virgin is to ask her. Many cultures believe that a girl is only a virgin if she still has an intact hymen. The hymen is a thin membrane of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina. This membrane can bleed when it is torn as a man’s penis enters the vagina. Some cultures therefore believe that blood on the sheets on a woman’s wedding night is the only proof that a girl was a virgin.

Neither the presence of the hymen nor bleeding during intercourse can truly indicate virginity however. Some girls are born without hymens, others will have hymens that stretch and don’t break during sex, and some will have torn their hymens during sport, inserting tampons, masturbation or even riding a horse.

How do you masturbate?

Men usually masturbate by grasping the penis and moving their hand up and down rapidly until they ejaculate (“come”). Women rub their clitoris and vulva and may move one or several fingers up and down inside their vagina until they orgasm. Everybody has their own way of masturbating that feels good for them.

Is too much masturbation bad for you?

Masturbation is a normal and natural activity and is not bad for you unless you masturbate so much that you make your genital area sore. Masturbation does not stunt your growth, damage your health or cause you to become physically or mentally weak. If it did, the vast majority of people in the world would be very short and unhealthy!

Where can I get condoms from?

It will depend on which country you are in, but the best place to buy condoms is usually a chemist or supermarket. Condoms are often available from vending machines in public toilets and in some countries they are available free or at low-cost from sexual health clinics. Condoms can also be bought from a number of suppliers on the internet.

How often do people have sex?

Sexual appetite is entirely a matter of personal taste. Some people have sex once a day and others once a month. It probably varies for most people depending on whether they are in a relationship, how busy they are and how they feel. Most people think about sex far more often than they do it.

Is there a way of stopping premature ejaculation?

Many men find the best way to prevent premature ejaculation is to think about something dull to regain control over their time of ejaculation. When first starting a sexual relationship, some men find that the sexual excitement causes them to ejaculate before intercourse has even begun. With time most men learn how to control this. Wearing a condom can help as it can reduce sensitivity a little. Condoms containing a mild anaesthetic in the tip are also available in some countries to help further reduce sensation and delay ejaculation.

Does sexual intercourse hurt? Is there a need for lubrication?

Sex can sometimes be painful for a woman if she is nervous or tense. Stress and fear can mean a woman does not get sexually excited enough to produce natural lubrication, or that she involuntarily tenses her vaginal muscles, making penetration difficult. Sex can also hurt the first time a woman does it as her hymen may be torn.

If sexual intercourse is painful, using a lubricant can help to make it more comfortable. When using a condom it is important that a water-based lubricant (such as KY Jelly) is used, as oil based lubricants (such as Vaseline or moisturising cream) can cause the condom to rot and fall apart. Ensuring that the woman is as relaxed as possible, and that intercourse is initiated slowly, can also help to make things more comfortable.

If a woman experiences a deep internal or burning pain when she has sex, she should discuss this with her doctor, as it could be a sign that she has an infection or other medical problem.

Sex is not usually painful for a man (unless the penis is bent into an awkward position) so he should also check with his doctor if he experiences any pain during erection or intercourse.

If a woman experiences problems reaching orgasm with her boyfriend can she do anything about it?

It is not always possible to achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone; it often needs more direct stimulation of the clitoris, which you could request from your boyfriend orally or manually, before, after, during or instead of intercourse. Talking to your boyfriend and exploring what stimulates you and what doesn’t should help you to achieve orgasm during sex.

How do you French kiss?

French kissing, or making out, is kissing with open mouths and touching tongues.

What is oral sex?

Oral sex is when one person licks or sucks another person’s penis or vaginal area. When oral sex is done to a man it is sometimes called a blowjob or giving head. When it is done to a woman it is sometimes called licking out or eating pussy. If two people have oral sex with each other at the same time it is sometimes called a 69 because of the shape their bodies make. A woman cannot get pregnant from giving oral sex to a man, even if she swallows his sperm.

Which STDs are transmitted through oral sex?

You can only become infected with or pass on an STD if you or your partner is infected with an STD in the first place. The following sexually transmitted diseases or infections can be passed on through unprotected oral sex:

  • Hepatitis A, B and C
  • Herpes, especially if the sores are in the infectious stage
  • HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is fairly low risk in terms of transmission via oral sex
  • Gonorrhea
  • Syphilis
  • NSU (Non-specific urethritis)
  • Chlamydia
  • Yeast infections such as thrush are fairly low risk in terms transmission via oral sex
  • Genital Warts

If you are concerned about becoming infected with an STD as a result of oral sex use a condom when giving oral sex on a man or a dental dam (latex square) or cut open condom when giving oral sex to a woman.

Is receiving oral sex with a condom safe?

As long as they are used properly i.e. they don’t split or burst, condoms can be very effective in protecting against STDs when giving oral sex to a man. When giving oral sex to a woman a thin square of latex called a dental dam, or a cut-open condom can also be used to protect against possible transmission of any existing STDs. Flavoured condoms and dental dams are available to make using them more pleasant during oral sex.

Can you pass on or become infected with STDs as a result of kissing?

No, you cannot pass on or become infected with an STD as a result of kissing. However, you could pass on a cold sore (herpes simplex, HSV1) to your partner through kissing.

Do you need to use condoms during anal sex?

Yes, it is important to use condoms when having anal sex to reduce the risk of passing on or contracting a STD. If two people are considering having anal sex they should make sure they use a good quality condom and a water-based lubricant such as KY Jelly.

If my girlfriend is on birth control, do we still need to use a condom?

When taken regularly and according to the instructions birth control pills can be an extremely effective way of preventing unwanted pregnancy. However, the contraceptive pill does not offer any protection from sexually transmitted diseases or infections. Using a condom as well as the pill will protect both you and your partner from passing on or becoming infected with a STD and also offer extra protection against pregnancy.

Is it safe to have sex when a woman is having her period?

Not all women feel comfortable having sex when they are menstruating, and some men dislike the idea of blood being present during sexual intercourse, but there is generally nothing wrong with having sex during a woman’s period and it will not cause either partner any harm.

This said, it is worth remembering that HIV and a few other sexually transmitted infections may be passed on more easily during a woman’s period (both from the woman to the man and from the man to the woman), so a condom should always be used if there is any doubt over either partner’s sexual history and HIV status. HIV cannot be ‘created’ by having sex with a woman on her period if both partners are HIV negative however – it is only ever passed from one person to another.